Braylen's Bravery

Please got to Facebook and look up Braylen's Bravery-and like his page.  Come on my blogger friends I know you all want to show this baby some love............

Twins

It's been a long time since I posted. However; a lot has happened. As in my last post I mentioned my twins. They are two little boys; and their initials are BMW-and that was done on purpose. However; when we jokingly came up with the intials we never thought of the challenges we would be facing today. Our twins were born at 29 weeks; they took the twins because Brantley Marius wasn't get enough nutrients; and Brantley seem to be the one who would have health problems. As the months progress it was if my twins did the flip-flop that a lot of twins do to their parents; however the twins aren't identical-and it wasn't the flip-flop of pretending to be the other one. Braylen Marcus was diagnosed with a rare neurological condition of Lissencephaly-if you are out there and reading this if you have any knowledge on this condition it would be appreciated if you would share the information you have.  The peditrician at first thought Bray had ceberal palsy-the neurologist wasn't comfortable with diagnosing Cebral Palsy before the age of 2.  The neurologist did though ordered an EEG and MRI;  with both tests the neurologist's office told me they were normal; then several hours/days would pass and that's when they called and said actually no-the eeg showed Seizure Activity; and the MRI showed Incomplete Lissencephaly-an MRI of Lissencephaly doesn't look normal-to say the least we have changed Bray's neurologist at this point; however remain in the same practice.  Bray has intense seizures, after a 3 week hospital stay now has a G-Tube(feeding tube); and has not made any of the milestones his twin; Brantley has. This has been a tiring, and endless stream of appointments, phone calls, e-mails, and all the while trying to learn what our little guy is really going through.  Brittany is 15 now; and has her own set of demands that require my attention-so our family is coping with our sick little guy; and going on life with a life as best as we can.  We have to face the reality of the condition; however we do always tend to have family members who will tell you he is just a few steps behind Brantley.  Brantley is talking, walking, driving every one nuts-Braylen hasn't meant any of those milestones.  The neurologists feel he will always need full time care; and will never walk, or even sit up by his self. We do believe in miracles; but we can't just sit around and hope that miracle happens we have to keep Bray healthy, and keep on getting him help the help he needs.

Dear Baby Boy,

Today is one month until your 19th birthday. What am I doing? Seems as if I am living in the twilight zone. 7 months ago; I had your baby brothers. Yes, that was plural. Twins.......I often stare at them, and wonder which one favors you.........Looking around it seems I should get on that runaway train, and never look back....Who could blame me for wanting to run away???? The sad thing: I have grown accustom to seeing your father........The pain is still there when I realize he has no remorse; or maybe I should say shows no signs of remorse............

What to do??????

I am so torn right now. 4 months, and he will be 18.......... What should I do? Do I just pray he calls, or do I call? I miss all my blogger friends out there......And could use some words of wisdom....B on the other hand is pretty emotional right now, but we actually got through a dinner without any arguing that I am unfair;) Ahhh-to be 13-what a complicated life it was then.....

Adoption? People you tell-that you dated-and then they use it to hurt you

So; ya'll know I have been in contact with Britt's bio dad. Why do I have to be a bleeding heart? I try to allow an open door-why so my ex-husband can get called names-hey; I have called him a few choice words in my life; but never the one this man uttered.I am sorry my son isn't with me; I think all of you know that. But; if you were not there during that part of my life; and I trusted you enough to share the intimate deatails of it-why would you use it to hurt me? I am sitting here shaking:( You know though I know what that man is; I always have I guess. But; when your child shares the same DNA-you like to think the person has some good in them. It scares me that my child could be realated to such a cold-hearted person. Do you think she will end up like him? He said to me "You gave your son away?" Does any one find that horrible? I didn't give my son away. People convinced me it was in his best interest. Did they know for years I would still cry? Did they know I could never hold another baby without freaking out? My ex-husband had to have a clue; he would call me from work after I had Brittany just to check on how we were doing. I remember sitting at his mom's seeing him after every thing; and remembering how much comfort that face use to bring me. He smiled at me the way he used to; when he knew I couldn't handle much more. We grew up together. How can you ever forget that face-the one that calmed you down when nothing else could. I didn't give my son away-I thought I was giving him a better life. No one knows the reality of what any of us go through? You should never make a parent wonder-and thats all I do about my son! I wonder what his interests are, if he likes sports; what are his fave things to eat....SO many wonders; will they ever be answered? Britt's bio dad gave me the answer today-he said I would never know. What do you think??? Is any one out there?????

SafeHouse for Momma

I keep thinking; and thinking. There is so many projects; in the works. There is one thing; I keep thinking though; where can a pregnant woman go; without the pressure from family; daddy; etc.... There is one place; I think we will all agree; is safe to send these mothers to live. One??? Just is not enough; is it? Here is an idea; I been looking for employment; for several reasons. The main reason; Britt is at school; most of the day; and S is gone most of the time. In my mind; I keep thinking we did it without my salary; for the past few years. So; if I go back to work; what could I do to help women like us not endure the hell we did? There is a project; I will talk about soon; but have to wait for T's permission to talk about that. My other thoughts; is to somehow start a home for mothers that need the space from all the pressures. And in this home there will never even be thought of separating momma/baby. This could be a dream; but any thing is possible right?

Baby Molly

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=480201&in_page_id=1879&ICO=FEMAIL&ICL=TOPART

This young lady; and her unborn baby are already being threatened to be torn away from each other. And; guess what? Momma didn't approach any one; this decision is being made for momma, and baby. And; the decision was made by someon who has never meant momma. I cry for this young lady; she has to be scared out of her mind. Lillie has asked what we can do to help momma, and baby. We just can not sit back; and let another momma/child be torn from each other; Lillie states on her blog. Lillie is RIGHT!!!!!!!! Any thoughts on how we can help?