Thursday, February 5, 2009

Adoption? People you tell-that you dated-and then they use it to hurt you

So; ya'll know I have been in contact with Britt's bio dad. Why do I have to be a bleeding heart? I try to allow an open door-why so my ex-husband can get called names-hey; I have called him a few choice words in my life; but never the one this man uttered.I am sorry my son isn't with me; I think all of you know that. But; if you were not there during that part of my life; and I trusted you enough to share the intimate deatails of it-why would you use it to hurt me? I am sitting here shaking:( You know though I know what that man is; I always have I guess. But; when your child shares the same DNA-you like to think the person has some good in them. It scares me that my child could be realated to such a cold-hearted person. Do you think she will end up like him? He said to me "You gave your son away?" Does any one find that horrible? I didn't give my son away. People convinced me it was in his best interest. Did they know for years I would still cry? Did they know I could never hold another baby without freaking out? My ex-husband had to have a clue; he would call me from work after I had Brittany just to check on how we were doing. I remember sitting at his mom's seeing him after every thing; and remembering how much comfort that face use to bring me. He smiled at me the way he used to; when he knew I couldn't handle much more. We grew up together. How can you ever forget that face-the one that calmed you down when nothing else could. I didn't give my son away-I thought I was giving him a better life. No one knows the reality of what any of us go through? You should never make a parent wonder-and thats all I do about my son! I wonder what his interests are, if he likes sports; what are his fave things to eat....SO many wonders; will they ever be answered? Britt's bio dad gave me the answer today-he said I would never know. What do you think??? Is any one out there?????