Saturday, October 27, 2007

SafeHouse for Momma

I keep thinking; and thinking. There is so many projects; in the works. There is one thing; I keep thinking though; where can a pregnant woman go; without the pressure from family; daddy; etc.... There is one place; I think we will all agree; is safe to send these mothers to live. One??? Just is not enough; is it? Here is an idea; I been looking for employment; for several reasons. The main reason; Britt is at school; most of the day; and S is gone most of the time. In my mind; I keep thinking we did it without my salary; for the past few years. So; if I go back to work; what could I do to help women like us not endure the hell we did? There is a project; I will talk about soon; but have to wait for T's permission to talk about that. My other thoughts; is to somehow start a home for mothers that need the space from all the pressures. And in this home there will never even be thought of separating momma/baby. This could be a dream; but any thing is possible right?

Monday, September 10, 2007

Baby Molly

This young lady; and her unborn baby are already being threatened to be torn away from each other. And; guess what? Momma didn't approach any one; this decision is being made for momma, and baby. And; the decision was made by someon who has never meant momma. I cry for this young lady; she has to be scared out of her mind. Lillie has asked what we can do to help momma, and baby. We just can not sit back; and let another momma/child be torn from each other; Lillie states on her blog. Lillie is RIGHT!!!!!!!! Any thoughts on how we can help?

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Stephanie Bennett-Needs Our Help

Sandy told this story on her blog. I am going to link her blog here; please help this young lady; Stephanie Bennett.

Please; take time; and read this case. It is disturbing on so many levels. Stephanie; started; her senior year today. That should be an exciting time for this young lady; planning her prom; graduation parties; etc..... Sandy mentions in her post; if you look in Stephanie's eyes; you will see the pain that has haunted her since she been 13 years old. I cry for this young lady; because that man took away from this young lady not only her baby; but any happiness she should of have during her teen years. Stephanie was frightened; how could she not be?

It scares me to know; how many people know this case is unethical; yet they keep the baby from this young lady. This young lady; is a victim of sexual abuse; and the guidance counselor never thought about what he was doing to this young lady. We should be able to trust our guidance counselors; but I am fearful; most of them do not catch signs they should.

Stephanie; and her family need help. If they do not come up with the money; for an appeal within two weeks; her precious baby will be loss to the industry most of us despise with a passion. So; please visit the above link; and at the end of the post; Sandy has linked where you can send your donations.

I am crying for this young lady; who should be enjoying life. How the hell could this man do this to her?

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Calling All Attorneys in the United States

If you are an attorney; or you know one will you please leave me a comment. Especially; if you/they do pro bono work; and you/they are familiar with adoption issues. Revocations; contesting an adoption; etc........... It does not matter what state you/they are in; we need all 50 states to help.

We usually all learn by word of mouth who to use; and who not to use. Yes; I heard a receptionist tell me the other day; that there are so many attorneys that willingly volunteer their time. I think in any business; there are people in it for the money; and then their are people who actually are in their business because they want to make a difference. You can make a difference; in any career.

Here's a story about word of mouth from my personal experience. A lot of you know; I was diagnosed with a Brain Tumor; on August 4, 2006; and there was not a neurosurgeon in Atlanta who was experienced with the tumor. Oh we got; "I think I can do it" Excuse me; this is not trying to fix my car; this is brain surgery; I want someone who knows what they are doing. This tumor; under 1%(think that's right) get it in the world. Epidermoid; if you want to look it up. Think I put that in another post. So we start researching; we found several neurosurgeons; who freaked me out just on the phone. Finally; S found a support group on-line; and asked who was the best neurosurgeon in the country for this surgery; responses flew without hesitation; all the same name; Dr. Fukushima. We were on the phone within minutes; Lori(office manager) answered; overnight the films to us; and we will look at them. By 5:00; the next day; we had an e-mail; that I definitely needed surgery; and it should be before the end of the year. The tumor was huge. I had surgery; and I am good. Dr .Fukushima; did my surgery on April 3(Tuesday); I was out of the hospital by April 7(Saturday); by dinner time. So; my point being we would of never found Dr. Fukushima; if it wasn't for word of mouth. And; I will sing his praises. Although; if you know him; you know he is doing that on his own:) I learned; when I was a patient @ Duke Hospital; he was one of the top four neurosurgeons in the world. And; we talked to other neurosurgeons who never stepped up to the plate for me; he did; before even meeting me. He took time out; and looked at the MRI films; not knowing if I would choose him; to be my surgeon. The other neurosurgeons; in TX, AR, TN; could of all done this; but didn't. None of them practice internationally; Dr. Fukushima does; and had less time to offered to look at the films for free; but he did. I realized; he was in this business because; he cared; not for the money. Oh; and if you know any thing about Brain Tumors; I just mentioned one of the biggest Brain Tumor Centers in this country(TX). I will not call out the name; but if you ask me directly; I will give it to you. So if we can get one of the best neursurgeons to step-up; I have faith we will get some of the best attorneys to step-up.

Friday, August 24, 2007

The Adoption Center of Choice; Are they predjudiced against fathers?

Another case in Utah; by the same adoption agency that kidnapped Baby O'Dea.

The Adoption Center of Choice; are they prejudiced against fathers? How many more times are they going to put the father through hell? And; we are all supposed to be ok with this. According to them; Bryn doesn't have any rights to information; because he wasn't married to Tiffany; the mother. Did you know that to have rights to your child you had to be married?

Bryn; informed the owner of The Adoption Center of Choice; he would come pick up his baby. Of course; the owner tried to tell Bryn how expensive this would be. Bryn; informed the owner this was not an issue. Bryn; called; and kept getting the run around; sound familiar? I have to inform the adoption agency; they are unethical!! How do they sleep at night? I can't; I lay; in bed; and cry for these fathers, mothers; all of us who have been hurt by this ugly business.

The agency tried to talk Bryn; in to an open adoption. That sounds all good; when you talk about it. But how many states actually enforce it? My friends; out there tell me the states that do stand by open adoption. Is Utah one of them? Also; Bryn has not received any thing from the agency; at this time. He has not seen pictures of his baby girl. Bryn; his awaiting her return home. He has name picked out for you; Baby Girl! Your daddy is fighting a cruel industry; and I pray for all the souls that have helped robb the parents of the babies that do have loving homes to go to.

Also; Bryn lives in Indiana; as well as Tiffany. How did an agency in Utah get involved?

We forget adoption; was supposed to be for the homeless children. I do not see any one rushing out; to provide a home for a teenager that has been loss to the foster care system. We are not sitting in courts; battling over those young people who could use a home open up to them; with love. Even in my own family; when I have voiced if we were ever to bring a child in to this home; the child would be older; and in the foster care system; by my sister those children come with issues; I wouldn't. Hmmm; that mind-set is why our foster care system is overcrowded. Do I agree with my sister? Hell No!! But; she made me think twice to subjecting a teenager to people in this family!!!!! Would we adopt? No; we would ask for guardianship. Because; I will never do the same thing; that has caused me so much heartache in my life to another family.

Thursday, August 23, 2007


"IT" I have seen a baby refer to this way to many times lately! A baby; is a human being; just as you, and I are. Yes; sometimes I know its a honest mistake. But; usually the person referring to the baby; as "it"; is all for the baby being torn away from their parents. No; I do not have respect for any one who knows the parent(mother/father) wanted the baby; and they still are ok with the baby/child being torn away from their families.

This especially applies to someone who is running around name A friend; on our blogs telling us Cody should embrace more family. That is disgusting on many levels; Cody should not embrace people who in my mind have kidnap his child. No; it wasn't done illegal! Then how do I call Baby O'Dea being with the adoptive parents kidnapping? They know; Cody never agreed to this adoption. If we are letting people adopt with these morals; how are our children going to be raised? I do not want; either of my children to think this is ok! It is unethical; and scary. And; I will say again I am ashamed to be a part of a country who criticizes fathers for not stepping up to the plate; then criticizes for them stepping up to the plate. This is a lose/lose situation for these fathers. They are damned if they do; and damned if they don't! Grrrrrrrr

I did not stop my son's adoption; but I am hoping if I tried; that his adoptive parents would have taking the high road.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Jamie Kiefer & Rikki Swann

Jamie, and Rikki have been both release on bond justme has informed me. Joseph Triste; remains in jail; at this time. This news came to me on August 18; but that day was for K, and T; on my blog. And then the next few days got crazy as Brittany has started back school. But; Jamie; Rikki; Cali; and Joseph have all remained in my thoughts, and prayers. Along; with Grandma Charmian; and the Kiefer family. We are rooting for you Cali; to be reunited with momma.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Happy Birthday K

Today; I hope my friend; T; knows I am thinking of her. We only meant a few weeks ago; but she became a good friend instantly. Yes; being moms was our first connection. I want her to know; we are all wishing K a Happy Birthday! And; that she is in our thoughts. I know what is running through her mind; how could I not? It all ran through my own mind; just a few days ago. The many unknowns are so unfair; and no mother deserves this pain. T; I want you to know I am sending you lots of hugs.

A Special Bondby Rae Scales
Even though we have never met,I feel a bond between us.A bond that should have taken years to build,Yet was built in a month or two.A bond that lifelong friends should have,Although most never do.A bond that I am glad to share with you...My Friend and Confidant.You are not here in body and soul,But as a lighted rectangle.You come to me every day asA message on my screen,A message that I can rely onTo cheer me up and make my day.Through a keyboard we shareOur ups and downs.I have opened my inner self to you, And you have to me as well. We have traded secrets and laughs, As well as sorrows and pain. I have never met you, but feel as if I have known you most of my life. To most this might sound silly, But I assure them, it is not.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Happy Birthday, Baby Boy!

Happy Birthday; Baby Boy! Maybe; one day you will read this; and know I was thinking of you today. I hope you are enjoying today. I stayed up last night; looking at the clock. Talking to two friends; who do understand my pain; of missing you; they knew my attitude changed when the date changed; but they didn't pry; they just let me talk. You are 15; a young man. I wondered all night; was it a fight in your house the past week; if you could obtain your permit? I just wished I knew; then maybe I would know what you were thinking about this year. The phone rang so many times today; before I started answering calls. When I started answering; I talked to people; I did not have to pretend with. It was ok; to admit I was upset; and angry. Yes; honey; I hope you are not angry today. And; this is a day of happiness for you. But; I miss you! And love you! You; are my son; and I want to share all the joys with you. I wish somebody; explained the reality of adoption to me. You should see my eyes; I think you would laugh; they are all puffy. This day; is always the hardest for me. Most mothers; get to celebrate the day their child was born. I grieve; because the day you were born; is the day I loss you. I was thinking laying in bed; all the times I would hide; before you were born; just so I could talk to you; without any one else around; the time was just meant for me; and you. How many times did I tell you; it is ok momma is here? I am crying now; because I think how could I fail you? I wanted to spend this day with you always; momma always wanted to be there. I am sorry; baby boy. You know; I want to apologize to you; and hug you; and answer all the questions you have; if you have any. Most of us have questions; when things are unknown to us. If you are like me; you hate the unknown. There are so many question right now running through my mind; I want the answers to; but the only person who can answer them are you.

Happy Birthday; baby boy! Know momma is thinking of you today; and wishing you a Happy Birthday!

Friday, August 10, 2007

M-Shocked Me:)

There was a comment on Aislin's blog;; under Danny Again; that had my blood boiling. morefamily; made the comment; and I almost puke; at how bad it was. It did do wonders for me; and my sister; though. I picked up the phone driving to get Brittany from school; and I was nervous when she answered. So; at first I made small talk. Then I asked her "what do you consider my son?" M; repeated the question back to me; I think to make sure she understood what I was asking. Ya'll are going to be shock at the response; but it was as if she handed me my validation; that my son has a place in this family. M's response was"He's my nephew. And; if he needed any thing medical I would be one of the first ones tested." Wow. And; I was going to disown my sister; if she said that he wasn't her nephew; as morefamily stated on Aislin's blog; that if Cali remains with the Erickson's; Cali is no longer her niece. And; this is a person who says they believe in God. M; is a practicing Catholic; and very much believes in God. M; is also not against adoption; but has told me; after I sent her articles on the Kiefer's; this case is very wrong; it should have never taking place. This is a young woman; who supports adoption. But; I am starting to think she is starting to see the reality of what it does to the natural family. Celeste; is bringing the Mother's Project; I hope to Atlanta; and both my mother; and sister have said they would attend. Maybe; just maybe there is hope.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

The Week Before:(

I have been quiet for a few days. As; I have slumped in to a depression. Yesterday; got real bad; as I slept most of the day; on and off. When I realized it was only a week until my baby boy; will be 15; my heart shattered in to a million pieces. I am not doing what a momma usually gets to do during this time; plan the day; order the cake; being busy with all the preparations! I broke down realizing that with my son; I might never be busy with any of the preparations for the special events in his life. How many times can I hear you will be there? From my mother at that. She wants me to believe that; I assume; so I will not blame her. Do I blame her? Yes! I try to make her realize what this has done to me; but I think she is more worried that her in-laws will find out about my son. You do not just lose your child; you lose his/her children; and hope one day you will be a part of his/her life. And; that he/she will allow you to be a part of their children's lives. I am crying; as I write this post; because as the day gets closer; the worst my depression gets. How could it not get worst? My son; will always call someone else momma. The 14th will be a day to celebrate in his home; and it will be a day I will mourned always. I loss my baby boy that day; and for so long I blocked it out. Never that day though. I would grieve in silence; act as if nothing was wrong; but I can't be that strong any more. All the years of grieving in silence are getting to me. I just want to scream; and someone validate my pain. That someone; being my mother. That will never happen; and one day I will have to come to terms with that; but as of yet I haven't. She is the reason; to so many unknowns concerning my son. I just wished she would sit back; and say that is my grandson; and I wish he was here with us. Is that asking for to much? I keep trying to put myself in my mother's shoes; why will she not referred to baby boy; as her grandson; is it because she then would have to realize that she did this to her grandchild? That instead of stepping-up; and saying I am grandma; I will help; she manipulated me in to thinking I could never raise the baby; I was to young. You know I realize I would be a better mother to my daughter; if I hadn't been manipulated in to this decision. I have trouble holding a baby; and it was hard to hold Brittany; but I did; and we got through the baby years; but it was hard! Although; I do not hold any other babies; as some of you know. A lot of you; didn't realize until this blog; and never forced the issue with me.

There has been no news from the search angel; and that is heartbreaking. I am going to look at the list again; and see if there is another one who can help.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

People who Go to Church Why do You Judge Others?

I had dinner with my parents; the last two nights.Why do I torture myself? Because; before going; I dread it. I do it for; Brittany.Is it healthy for Brittany I wonder; when I listen to my parents(mom & stepfather); pass judgement on people. Yes; these are people who go to church. And; then judge other people. I have a problem with that; aren't you taught at church not to judge others? I don't know: I do not attend church. Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I pray? Every day!

Here is one of the conversations that took place: A mutual friend; ran in to my sister's ex-boyfriend; and he tints windows for a living. That to me; is an honest job; good for him. Yes; my sister has been married for 7 years; so why are my parents worried about what an ex-boyfriend does for a living? The statement made; I think by mother; he's 37; and tinting windows. IMO; why do you care? And; I don't see what is wrong with that; it is a honest job. I told my parents this; and of course they looked at me like I am CRAZY! I told my mother; if you do not like him; you need to thank God; he is not married to your daughter. Did I like him? You know; we really never got to know each other. So it wouldn't be fair for me to answer that.

Last night; was the worst though; UGH! A young boy; about my son's age; I would guess; walked by; with a different hair style. My stepfather; made a comment; I saw his eyes following him. Now; how do we know that is not my son? It hurt my feelings; as I thought if my son has a different hair style; he will be judged by this family; my family; his family!Teenagers; experiment with hair styles; it is normal. Brittany; at 10; wants streaks; I told her the spray is fine; nothing permanent; she is to young; for the chemical in her hair. Ladies; we all know about those chemicals; huh? Yes; I color my hair; most of you know that.

Then; the conversation moved to another subject; that would lead me again to being slapped in the face; by my stepfather; I did not say any thing I regretted; thanks to my dear friend; M; calling just at the right moment! I asked my stepfather; if he had seen a sibling of Brittany's friend lately; and he said no. I told him; what a beautiful young lady she was; as the last time; I saw her she was still a little girl; and then I saw her this week; didn't even know it was her. My stepfather said "I didn't know she was ADOPTED." Can you imagine what the comment did to me? I do not like adoption jokes; and they are very HURTFUL. I would of expected more; from my own family.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Cody's COURT DATE is August 27, 2007

I have just been advised by Shannon; Cody O'Dea's sister; that Cody's court date is August 27,2007. If you have not stopped by; Cody's site yet; please do so. Offer your support in his guestbook; that Shannon has created for him; and his Baby Girl. I stop in every day; just to check in; sometimes I do not leave a message; but I do check in daily. The O'Dea family has my heart; they have been treated unfairly. I am outraged by that!!!!!!! Please; visit the site; and offer your support to Cody; and his family;!!! The O'Dea Family; has become very dear to me. Baby O'Dea; please know you are very loved!!! By a lot of people. And your daddy; is a great man!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Cody O'Dea

Cody has weighed on mind; heavy lately. The main reason; his court date is August 29, 2007. That is in twenty-eight days; and I am praying that on that day; the O'Dea family goes home, with Cody's baby girl, and celebrates her homecoming.

I wish Daniel(my son's father); ahh; bet you weren't expecting that name; were you? Had been the man; Cody is. Daniel; left two days later; after pretending to be happy about the baby. If Daniel; had picked up the phone; just once; maybe this month would not be a living hell for me. Cody; picked up the phone not once; but numerous times. In my mind; as a mother; he was trying to save all of them; from the heartache so many of us live with. And; to many of us do live with the heartache; but we can help families like Cody's; cause it is to late to save ourselves from the pain; so we have to use our pain for changing things for other families.

So; I have to say; yes; I wish my son; had a father like the man; Cody is.

In thirteen days; my baby boy will be fifteen. Thre are questions; that run through my mind; that I can't answer; and it makes me cry. What kind of cake does he want? Does he even eat cake? What about the flavor of ice cream? Or does he like icecream cake; like his aunt? What would he like to do on his birthday? I am sad; for Ashley(Baby O'Dea's mother); these questions will run through her mind every year on the baby's birthday. Cody; is trying to prevent all of their families from enduring that hell.

Yes; I know from the man; Cody is; he will not keep his daughter; from her mother. I wish I could talk to; Ashley. To explain to her; what this does to a family. My heart breaks for Cody; every night. I cry for that young man. And; thank God; there are men out there like Cody.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Another Mom Signs Under Duress Another mom signs under duress. The mom surrender in SC; but as of now she has relocated to AZ; for a sense of relief from this madness. I do not think she has yet; got that relief; as this trauma continues. Please; stop by; this site; and offer your support. My dear friend in SC; Michael; can you look at this and give me some insight?

Shannon O'Dea brought this to MY Attention! It's Disturbing

Read this; and tell me your thoughts? My thoughts? Refund? Is what these people were thinking of when this sweet little baby passed away. Refund? I am a mother of two; one loss to adoption; and another who is still here. If either of them passed away; my last thought would be of money; as I would hope any parents last thought would be. Since when do children come with REFUNDS? Ugh; this is disturbing on many levels. So disturbing; I am at a loss for words.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Utah Needs to Be Stopped

There are three stories right now going on in Utah. Three? Why? The LDS church; I just learned. I had to ask the O'Dea family to explain the LDS church to me; and they were nice enough to send me a link which I am going to post here; so if you don't understand the LDS Church this will help educate you more.

Under this I am posting a link to all three stories:

And this will help better explain the LDS Church:

Utah needs to be be stopped treating father's this way. What can we do? There has to be a way to end this madness. I have wrote to the Utah Gov.; already concerning Cody. I am now going to write about these other two men to the Utah Gov.; please do the same. You can find the link for the Utah Gov.; on the link of baby selling. The more we bombard them with letters; the more they will have to think. Yes; they need to think; and realize how wrong this is. Theses babies were not without homes; and loving families. All these fathers wanted these babies. They said; I take responsibility for my child; and they get treated this way. Why can't father's win in this country? If they said; to the mom; it is your problem; they would of been called a Deadbeat Dad. Am I missing something? Because I am BOILING MAD at how fathers are being treated.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Tears are streaming down my face; as I reply to this.
But I thought I would answer some questions for you from my stand; I am a natural mom:
No, at the time I didn't realize what I was doing. I felt alone in a nightmare that I couldn't wake from.
It was not easy to lay there; not knowing where to turn for help. I laid awake; because I just wanted to be with you; just me and you. When we were alone; I'd talk to you and tell you "Momma is here." And I always wanted to be there; I never wanted this.
Regret? That second.
I wanted to scream in the car; the whole way home. My screams wouldn't come out; they were trapped;as the way I felt I was trapped. I hear those scream in my hearts, of hearts as I write this now.
The final hour; I was with people I do not trust today. Yes; I regretted this decision since it happened.
It feels like a death; to lose part of oneself; to a future unknowing. Tears of sorrow; and they have never lessened; I still have those tears of sorrow; and you will be 15 on August 14.
I; only heard you cry; when you came into this world. And; I remember that cry as it was a second ago. That is locked in my heart; of hearts. No; you didn't understand the decision made on your behalf; how could you? You were just my sweet Innocent baby.
For me; it was a lot worse then the loss of my 1st love.
No; I wouldn't do this all over again. I would run, run, and hide; so they couldn't have my precious baby boy.
Yes; you were very wanted in the womb.
Yes; look for me; you would find a momma who regrets not knowing you; baby boy.
No; your father didn't stay. I don't know if he even knows what happened to us:( Yes; I have another child. Brittany; your sister; is 10 years old. Yes; she knows all about you; and wishes you were with us; as I do.

Yes; the person who wrote this; used the forbidden word. But made good points. I just do not think he realizes how hurtful that word is.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Cody O'Dea

Please; stop by Cody's web page; and show your support. The petition is up; but I wish there were more signantures. All the O'Dea famly is asking for is people to sign the petition; and letters to the Utah Gov. Also; please sign the guestbook; tell the family they are in your thoughts, and we are rooting for them. The next court date is August 29, 2007. So lets overwhelm the family with signatures on the petition. Then they know we are rooting for them. Some people have left nasty remarks in the guestbook; that has my blood boiling. How can people be so cruel? PLEASE, SHOW YOUR SUPPORT to CODY O'DEA, and his family.

Do it for me; because we all know August is a hard month for me. August 14; will be here to quick; and it will be another year I didn't get to spend my son's birthday with him. Hopefully; we can stand together and not let this young man; go through the pain a lot of us go through on our children's birthday. This is my birthday present for my son; to help Cody.

Any other suggestions of what we can do; please leave me a comment; or email me @ I am very interested in any ideas you have to help the O'Dea family; and any other family that needs our help.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Is The USA finally Getting It?

Yay; as you probably can figure out I am happy with the outcome of this case. Finally; in the parents favor. And; you see no one cared to explain the reality to them what was happening with their baby. They thought it was temporary for health insurance needs; wasn't the case. Can the people who don't explain the reality of this sleep at night? I can't; knowing there are parents out there suffering because they don't have their baby/children. And; most of them said I can't do this; went to court; but were ruled against. Why is that? This country makes me ILL when it comes to adoption. Our country failed these mothers, and fathers. It is late so I will not go on a rampage about how fathers are treated in this country.

On a good note; Congratulations to this Family. If you are adoptive parents; and the parents tell you they can't do it; don't put them through the hell. Put yourself in their shoes; is it worth causing their family the pain? If you think it is; you have no business adopting in the first place. That baby obviously has a family who loves him/her; and if you love the baby; you would want is best for the baby; and that is being with their family.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


Ok; so I was reading a report on Jamie. Can we say coercion? Yes; by the amom, and Jamie's boyfriend. You are telling me we should let that girl adopt? Show me; how she is fit. Coercion; in itself makes her unfit to be a mother in my opinion. And another thing; aren't adoptive parents screened? This bothers me; with my son being out there. Were his parents not screened? No one should just be allowed to adopt. To many insane people out there; as it is. We all know my feelings on adoption; and they are not very nice. This attorney should have to answer; why he allowed this girl to do this to the mother. Does he know coercion took place?

Monday, July 23, 2007

Jamie Kiefer

Please send letter, cards, etc.....of support. Please; show her that we do care. Yes; a lot of people are turned off by the gun. We do not know her side of the story as of yet. Do not judge her. Hey; it could of been us. I will raise my hand; and say; Yes; it could of been me with the right information. Losing a baby/child is traumatic. We all deal with trauma differently. So let's show Jamie she is not alone.

Here is her address:
Jamie Kiefer CA132A
204 Gillestie Street
Fayatteville, NC

Thank you; to all of you for doing this. I will keep her address updated; as she will be transferred back to MS; but as for now she remains in NC.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Read This

Another mother in jail for kidnapping her own baby!!!!! She changed her mind; give the baby; back. Yes; I can see how she did this. How can you live with yourself knowing that mommy wants her baby? No; in this country we decide to put people in jail when they change their mind. WTF? This makes me sick to my stomach; knowing this is who adopts our babies. You told me this 15 years ago; you would never have got my baby. I would had ran, and ran until you couldn't find us. Yes; she went crazy to get her baby back. I can relate to that. I scream; and throw things when I am alone. I would love to hear something shatter against the wall; because that is what my heart is doing. The only reason I haven't done that; is that I would have to clean up the pieces. I can't clean up the pieces of my heart; the damage has been done. You know so many of us have been hurt by this. Why can't people see all the pain involved in all of this? Look at what this country is doing; putting women in jail for kidnapping their own child. I hate to tell you; you failed those women. She wouldn't be put in this position if you didn't tricked her to get that baby. Yes; I said tricked. I was TRICKED, MANIPULATED; choose a word of your choice; but don't tell me it was my choice.

It wasn't my choice! And; if I knew more of where my son was I might be sharing a cell with one of these ladies. Who do I blame? My mother; is first on the list. How could she do this to her first grandchild; and the only grandson she will ever have. My sister is done having children; and I had Brittany five years later. But I am done too. So my two will be my only two; and my oldest one might never speak to me again:( If he doesn't; I blame my mother; the attorney; the people she made me live with; society............ I could go on, on. Yes; I do blame myself too. Because; stupid me didn't realize my mother had her own agenda. See what this did? I will never ever forgive my mother. I wish I could; but how can I?

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Nothing Yet:(

No leads yet:( Patience is a virtue; why can't I understand that? I know I have so little info; we are working on getting my medical records now. Please; let there be a lead. I do have a little info; what state he went to(as long as they didn't lie) if they didn't he left Georgia:(; first name of adoptive parents; their profession; where they worked. What do you think? Suggesttions are greatly appreciated. I am scared though; as I do not want to ruin a chance at a relationship with my son. If he allows me to have that. Between me, and you; I SO WANT THAT. Although; I realize I have to accept what he wants. I will; do that. I will not force myself on him.

Friday, July 20, 2007


Nothing; as of yet. GRRR..... I want my baby's info. Maybe a few leads; 3 websites popped up when I googled his birthday. Maybe; there's a connection; not sure. The first website; something is telling me; there could be a connection. No picture; on that one. There was a picture on the 2nd website; hmmm......doesn't look like his father; maybe; my father. Which we all know Brittany is the picture of my father. So that would be the norm for my children.

My sister just used the term (birth mother); UGH. I did explain to her that is offensive; do not use it. At first; she said everyone uses it. Duh; society is not educated on this whole situation. If we were; most of us wouldn't be sitting here in the pain we are. Yes; I am in pain. How could I not be? One of my children; grew up in someone else's home. And for that; my youngest child; will never have the pleasure of growing up with her brother. We talk about him. It is weird to her; how could it not be?

Will my son feel the way I do; that his sister was the chosen child? That was not it at all. If you knew me during this time in my life; you know I wanted to keep my baby. But; my mom, attorney; people I lived with; all played their part in to making me think I couldn't do it. Damn. I could of done it. I should of listen to my heart. I am sorry; I did this. I might never have a relationship with my son because of this.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Update on Search

Ok; so I started the process. But; I have very little info. As I blocked most of it out; except bits, and pieces here, and there. Any one else do that? So; getting my medical records will be a start.

My mother drove me to the hospital; I am really tyring not to be bitter; but she is saying she doesn't remember the name of the hospital. Why doesn't she want me to know the info?

If this was one of my children; I would of wrote down all info; educated myself; but, my mother didn't. Know she help the manipulation. Ok; I am angry at her. Got get out of that mode; I am about to see her. If I keep this mode up; I'll be in jail.

So we are taking the first steps to get my medical records. Why didn't I think of that? Duh; I had a brain tumor. Some of you know that. Was diagnosed August 4, 2006. Surgery April 3,2007. All is good now. Some headaches; but not like before. The neurosurgeon was awesome; just ask him. He does sing his own praises. Freaked me out. But my husband; was all for someone who was confidant. Yes; I will sing his praises now. Three days; including surgery in the hospital. No Side Effects. Very Rare Tumor. Was Born with it. Epidermoid; if you want to look it up. They say it is not hereditary.

Write more later. Have to go see mom:(

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I am in Shock

I just learned that I could get my son's info; before he is 18. OMG; I am in shock; can you tell? I want the information; what mother doesn't? I am scared; what if I find something; I don't like? I thought it would be years; before I could know any thing. Now; within hours that has changed. Thoughts?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

What is with Utah?; this case; now the Cody O'Dea case. Thoughts?


My friend sent out a Happy Birthday; to her son. It broke my heart!!

I will be doing the same; one month from today. I often wonder does my mother know the date? Will she call to see how I am? I know my sister knows the date. She is like me with dates!

My family(mother & sister) never refer to him; as a title; i.e. my grandson, my nephew! That bothers me. Is that weird it bothers me??? I refer to him; as my son. My baby; sometimes; even though I know he is not a baby; he's a young man.

I couldn't sleep all night; thinking of that friend. I could only imaginge what is running through her mind. As; I know what runs through my mind every year.

Did he get what he wanted? Was it a good day? Did he think of me? Does he even know about me? There are so many questions; that run through my mind.

My most important thought"Does he think I regret this?" YES; I DO; BABY BOY!!!!! If I had to do it alll over; I would run, and run and take you with me.

I would of call my dad's sister; your great aunt. She didn't know; none of your grandfather's family knew. I wasn't allowed to associate with them after my father/your grandfather passed away. Mother's choice. Maybe if I picked up the phone; and called they would of helped us.

I told; Dawn(my aunt/great aunt for u); before I even told my husband. She was in shocked; she said I should of called. I should of. Maybe; I wouldn't be in this place now; if I had. I contacted my father's family about 2 years ago. It was to much; I lost him, and you within 13 months. My mother still doesn't know. I been to visit my father's grave; the only other time was at his funeral. Daddy; you were my only parent. If you know me; you know my sister is the chosen
child in my family(mother and stepdad). Always; been like that for my mother. I am not sure what the deal is. Stepdad's deal; is I was a daddy's girl. And he made some comments; that I didn't appreciate. He didn't know my father. My father wasn't perfect; but he was my father! And; his addiction did cost him his life. So I don't need a stepfather who is going to talk about a man that his dead; he never knew. So I am guessing that his why he prefers my sister to me. As; I told them let the man rest in peace!!!

We are trying to stop the madness. I can't save us; I wish I could. My thoughts are; that we can't allow this to happen to another family.

Young men; walk-by me about your age; I study their face. Could it be you? Would you regonize me? Will their be a connection? I still hear your cry in my mind. I hold that in my hearts, of hearts. It is the only memory I was allowed; that no one could take from me. They say you went to California; what if they lied? God; I hope they didn't. It is the only information; I have to go on. But what if you are right here; and I walked by you; saw your face; and never even knew?

I am getting very vocal about adoption practices; they make me sick. I asked for pictures, and updates..... Told that wasn't heard of! Honey; I am sorry. Why didn't I educate myself? I believed that they were telling the truth. I never thought people would do this; now I know.

Will you allow me to know you? Your children? I am sorry; Baby Boy! Please; forgive me! I was young, and scared. No excuse; I know. I was your mother; first, and foremost. I should of protected us. That will always bother me that I allowed myself to believe all the Adoption LIES.

Yes; they are lies! And any one who wants to argue that point; I am willing to educate you, and show you the horrors of this.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Resources List

Just an update; the resources are coming along. Everyone has been very helpful; with what they know. It is good to know that people want to help.

Welcome back; to a lot of my blogger friends who seemed to be on vacation for the past week. Hope that is where ya'll were. I am ready for vacation. But; that doesn't happen in our household until the winter. Joys of Relocation Business(Sigh).

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


If we knew there was help out there; we would not have listen to adoption was for the best of the baby. I am compiling a list of resources together; to help pregnant teens/women in need. I have medicaid, WIC, transportation; and children's health insurance programs. What else am I missing? Baby items? Can anyone out there help me with these resources in their state? Yes; I am trying to get resources in all 50 states. Ladies; think about it; we can't tell someone not to do it; if we are not going to step-up to the plate, and help her find the resources to make it easier. We have to show the ladies out there; there is help. And; all of us; hurt by adoption; should be the first ones to step-up to the plate; and offer any help we are able to. Would it hurt us; to give someone a ride to the pediatrician's office; or to their prenatal appointment; etc........ If someone; said to us; Hey; I am here. I will help you; things might have turned out different for us. But; no one offered this to most of us; so my friends out there; what are your suggestions? PLEASE; YA'LL HELP ME WITH THIS.

Monday, July 9, 2007

The Women In Your Life

Time passes.

Life happens.

Distance seperates.

Children grow up.

Jobs come and go.

Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't do what they're supposed to do.

Hearts break.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favors.

Careers end.


Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.

A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk the lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes they will even break the rules and walk beside you or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters,granddaughters,daughters-in-law,sisiters,siters-in law,mothers,grandmothers,aunties,nieces,cousins, and extended family all bless your life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.

Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Every day, we need each other still.


A lot of great women have touched my life lately; this is to all of you. I have not meant most of you in person; but you have made a difference in my life. Thank You!

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Cody O'Dea

Just check for updates on; Cody O'Dea. The court date has been moved to the end of August! UGH!! I want that baby back with her family. If you haven't check out the site; Google-Utah Stomps On Father's Right; sign the petition; please. Leave a comment; in the guestbook; so the family knows there are people out there who are rooting for them. Don't you wish you had Shannon for a sister???

Is there any news on Baby Evelyn? Couldn't find any; but thought I would check with ya'll. Maybe; you have heard something; I haven't.


Saturday, July 7, 2007

"If you can dream it, you can do it." Walt Disney

Why didn't I think of these words when I would dream of taking care of my baby? I dreamed of holding the baby, loving him; but I was told the exact opposite of this. You are to young; you'll never be able to do it. Where was my Walt Disney; or the rest of my friends who lost their babies to adoption where were their Walt Disney's?I hear my mother say to me all the time; you can do any thing you put your mind to. Why didn't she say that almost fifteen years ago; no, according to her I couldn't give the baby what other people could. She was right; I couldn't give the baby the money other people could back then. I wouldn't choose a friend for what he/she has; but I would choose a friend for the person they are. I think I have this mind-set now; how could I let someone play that card with me? To me; I do not care what fianacially you could offer my child; I could of loved my child; a mother's love; is more important then any thing you could buy a child.

Another; thing has me disturbed! Did you know you can adopt with a criminal record? I am in school; going for Criminal Justice. And in the text; they were showing the studies of adopted children; comparing if the natural father had a criminal record; or the adoptive father had a criminal record. WHAT? YES; you know me all to well. I had to google it. You can not adopt; if your crime had any thing to do with a child. DUH; what would make you think you could adopt a child after that? A person; with a violent crime; they say it is harder to adopt; harder not IMPOSSIBLE. Yes; I believe people change. But; what about what this person goes through in jail, or prison? Is a person ever normal after that experience? I wouldn't want to take my chance on that; my baby was adopted; and this freaks me out. Can you see how uneducated my decision was? How could I not know this; before giving up a baby? If this is not true; tell me. I only know what I found when I googled it. AND I AM MAD!! Why does this topic; always make me walk away mad?

I did join OriginsUSA: and think it is going to be very beneficial to me. If you; are not a member; join. Every one is so nice, and easy to talk to. I finally feel like I am doing something!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

The Mother's Project

The Mother's Project; you will see it added to my blog. Thank you; Celeste.

We are trying to get The Mother's Project to Atlanta. Trying to get ideas to make that happen. If you have any; or any suggestions I am all ears.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

How to get to the ad I am angry about

Manyblessings pointed out that the link did not take you to the words I am talking about. Click on the paragrah after Domestic Newborn Adoption, and read through that. You will see what I am so angry about.

I AM ANGRY; ok ya'll need to read through this. This has me angry. They say Agressive Outreach to birthmom; aggressive- to me that states pressure-what is your opinion on that? We are results driven-What?????? Ensuring you adopt the baby of your choice-if you are being choosy; I am sorry; but you are adopting for the wrong reasons. We can help you find and adopt a happy healthy baby-WHAT????? So if the baby is born, and he/she is not happy and healthy you want to return the baby? What is wrong with this picture?

As you read in my earlier posts; I did give up a baby. I have regretted that decision; as a lot of you know it was not my decision. This ad; has my skin crawling. Results Driven-tells me the agency would pull out all the stops if the mother was having doubts that this was the right decision for her. So what does the baby of your choice mean? Certain hair color, certain eye color, and Certain Race????? And if the baby was born with a medical problem? You don't want the baby any more? People; I don't want to see this. I gave up my son.

Is this the mind-set of most adoptive parents? You do not need to be adopting. Your priorities are in the wrong place. To say the baby of your choice-says to me that you have issues that I don't want my child to have. Ok; somebody tell me did I take this all wrong????????

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

My Father

The 4th of July; should be a time to celebrate; the rest of the world is. It is my sister's birthday; her 30th. I wish I wanted to go to the celebration tommorow; instead of feeling like it is a chore. Happy 30th Birthday. Saturday; as some of you know my sister had a 30th birthday party; I was not invited. My mother; who was out of town; the day of the party; told me the next day on the phone. Are you asking yoursself"Are they not on speaking terms?" My mother; tried to say it was a neighborhood thing. My husband is not in town 90 % of the time; so yes, I would of like an invite; even a last minute one; if it was a suprise. I have not asked my sister about it; because I am getting to the point; that it is expected. But; my husband did come through Atlanta; Saturday night. It was a suprise; I didn't know until that morning. That did lessen the blow when I found this out; we were able to eat dinner together. I was excited as it had just been me in town this week; as Brittany opted to go to the shore with my parents. We went to Roadhouse; it was nice, to have the quality time with; Scott. Wish it was more then a hour; but I will take what I can get in the summer; LOL. The joys of the moving business. Oh, to answer the question; unless I missed something; me, and my sister are on speaking terms. I thought we were sisters; we have our differences, but we are friends; so I thought. I threw both of her baby showers; she was my matron of honor when Scott, and I got married; went to Jamaica last year(my whole family; my idea; what was I thinking; LOL) So am I missing why I wasn't invited to the party? I would of called her if the cards were reversed; especially if she had a husband who traveled most of the year; and she knew my child was with my parents; because her oldest was with them as well.

On a different note; my father passed away 16 years ago on July 5, 1991. So I lost two very important men within 13 months of each other. I will never forget that night; there was a knock on the door; it was two policeofficers; I wasn't prepared to hear their words. "We found your father dead tonight." What? That couldn't be. I told him the night before that I hated him; little did I know those words would come to haunt me. I learned from that; I try to never use the word hate; it is a very strong word. See; I didn't want my father to go out; so I turned my teenage charm on. But, I do remember the last three weeks we had together; which had to be God's doing; as some of you know; the last four years of his life we didn't see each other much. So as fate would have it; I would move in with him three weeks before he passed away. My father; taught me a lesson I still carry through my every day life; you never know what the outcome of doing drugs will be. It is a lesson I will never forget. My father died of a drug overdose; actually they say it was an adverse reaction to drugs.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Secrets are Taboo

Instead, the mother who loses her child to adoption experiences the psychological death of her child, But instead of comfort, she gets told she did a brave and noble, unselfish, loving thing and she must forget about it, go on with her life. No one wants to help her talk about it, acknowledge it, cry about it, or mourn the loss of the her child. So the loss becomes almost unresolvable. The grief stays stuck in her body and keeping pain in is destructive. She has to go into a kind of shock to survive, hit the pause button on her life and she goes numb. Life is forever changed. You can’t really live that way, but you can exist. She gets no respect. The Respect We Never Got by Joe Soll, CSW Adoption Connection Annual Conference, September 18, 1999, Andover, MA (Chapter 26 of "Adoption Healing ... A Path to Recovery)

My sister said to me recently; you know they changed his name. What did you miss????? I never named him. I thought; how cruel can you be??? A friend of mine said to me recently my husband never brings it up; I said my husband doesn't either. The more I thought about it; I did ask my husband why; he said almost anything you say is wrong; and saying nothing at all is wrong too. So, they are in a weird place. I am going to cry, and talk about it. It is not doing anybody any good holding it all in. I am trying to become involved in every way I can to help. If I save one person from the hell I go through I done something. I just had major surgery; and you know thoselovely medical forms ask how many pregnancies; I put 2; I did not lie. And the lady whoreviewed them asked"You have 2 children?" I said no, I didn't know how to explain. She just said "I am sorry." And kept going, she didn't pry; I was grateful for that. I told my sister; she said I would of lied, and said only one; if this was such a great thing; why do I always have to lie about; should I be ashamed?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

found this by mistake/hits home

Our stories are different but the loss is the sameThe ache of our hearts, the affects of the shameIt happened to you another time, a separate placeOur tears are the same, as they stream down our faceWas it a daughter you relinquished that unforgetful day?Or was it a son like me that I only wanted to stay.To stay with me forever for no one to takeA young child myself, the choice was not mine to makeWere the birthdays of your child almost too hard to bear?Never forgetting, wondering what he would be into that year.Did you pray for his parents to be the best they could be?Did you pray he’d be healthy, happy, and strong like me?Did you compare him to strangers you’d see in the streetOr with every child his age that you’d meetDid you wonder if he’d wonder or even know about you?And did you start searching for him and hoped he would search tooHours and hours from your computer chairWondering if he would ever magically appear.Did you get frustrated and take a break a time or twoNot knowing how much disappointment you could live through.Were you scared to death of the chance he would callThat he’d only want a medical history and that was all A “one call” chance to say what he had to say- Were you scared he would hate you, thinking you “threw him away”Were you scared that giving him up for a better life was all in vainAnd scared to find out that his life was full of pain.
Sara(husband's oldest daughter) just sent me a picture of the new baby. A baby boy. She doesn't know; doen't have a clue of the past. He is cute; chubby; my husband said 8 lbs 8 oz; thought he was bigger then that; looked that way. No name yet.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Please take the time to sign Cody O'Dea's petition; as well as Baby Evelyn's.

Google-Utah stomps on Father's Right; will take you to the web site; his sister has set up for him.

Baby Evelyn; go to; and you will find Baby Evelyn's. My heart breaks for both of these families. STOP THE MADNESS NOW!!!!!!

I found out I was pregnant 12/31/91; 5 months after my father passed away. My mom took me to the doctor's the test confirmed I was pregnant; I called the father; he seemed happy; only to leave two days later. That is when the hell began; my mother; the Catholic she is; could not have this embarrassment; a 16 year old daughter who was pregnant; my God what would the guy she was dating think, and his parents? So I was sent away to live with friends of hers who were adoptive parents; they should not be. They are good people; but the last child she adopted was a few months older then my son, and the adoptive mother is sickly, and spends 90 % of her time in the hospital. The private attorney they went through, also handled my son's. So of course, the adoptive mother started on how my baby would be better off; I could never offer what adoptive parents could offer. My mother; offered me a car if I gave up the baby; but if I kept the baby she told me to realize that there would be no car. So Aug. 14; finally comes; and I deliver, everybody told me do not see the baby; do not hold the baby; but my mother's friends paraded in, and out of that hospital holding that baby. Finally, there was a nurse who came in, I didn't know the baby's gender until that moment; she asked about a medical procedure; and poor nurse I broke down; I asked her to stop my mother's friends from parading in, and out there; I wanted my baby to be held; but by me. The attorney shows up; yes in the hospital bed I signed papers. This attorney advised me to put father-unknown; if you knew me at all you know I know, and I told him I knew; he would not listen, no social worker was sent in, that I think is horrible; but it was a private adoption; I guess they can get around that. My mother after he leaves asks me "How does it feel?" How the hell do you think it feels, I wanted to scream. I answered "It is worst then the death of my father." She could have been a mother, at that point, and offer the support I needed. I will never forgive my mother for asking that question, and not stopping this madness. We left the hospital, as you might imagine I didn't gain any weight, after I delivered I was back into my normal clothes; which was a result when I was allowed to come home to visit for the holidays I was to hide my pregnancy. The day we went home we had to go eat with her boyfriend; I was to act normal. How many women do you know can act normal after the loss of a child? I did it though; and for years never talked about it; I just told my husband about it a year ago. No, he did not know when we got married. I was scared to tell him, the subject is so taboo in my family. If any young girl came to me, I would tell them educate yourself before making this decision. I would love to have pictures; but I was told this way was better; you will get over it; have any of these people ever loss a child? I have brought it up to my mother, and younger sister recently; my mother's response" Be happy you gave someone a miracle." My sister"You wouldn't have Scott, or Brittany(10 year old daughter) I love my husband, and my daughter but it should not have cost me a child. Are they saying I had to pay to get them?