I found out I was pregnant 12/31/91; 5 months after my father passed away. My mom took me to the doctor's the test confirmed I was pregnant; I called the father; he seemed happy; only to leave two days later. That is when the hell began; my mother; the Catholic she is; could not have this embarrassment; a 16 year old daughter who was pregnant; my God what would the guy she was dating think, and his parents? So I was sent away to live with friends of hers who were adoptive parents; they should not be. They are good people; but the last child she adopted was a few months older then my son, and the adoptive mother is sickly, and spends 90 % of her time in the hospital. The private attorney they went through, also handled my son's. So of course, the adoptive mother started on how my baby would be better off; I could never offer what adoptive parents could offer. My mother; offered me a car if I gave up the baby; but if I kept the baby she told me to realize that there would be no car. So Aug. 14; finally comes; and I deliver, everybody told me do not see the baby; do not hold the baby; but my mother's friends paraded in, and out of that hospital holding that baby. Finally, there was a nurse who came in, I didn't know the baby's gender until that moment; she asked about a medical procedure; and poor nurse I broke down; I asked her to stop my mother's friends from parading in, and out there; I wanted my baby to be held; but by me. The attorney shows up; yes in the hospital bed I signed papers. This attorney advised me to put father-unknown; if you knew me at all you know I know, and I told him I knew; he would not listen, no social worker was sent in, that I think is horrible; but it was a private adoption; I guess they can get around that. My mother after he leaves asks me "How does it feel?" How the hell do you think it feels, I wanted to scream. I answered "It is worst then the death of my father." She could have been a mother, at that point, and offer the support I needed. I will never forgive my mother for asking that question, and not stopping this madness. We left the hospital, as you might imagine I didn't gain any weight, after I delivered I was back into my normal clothes; which was a result when I was allowed to come home to visit for the holidays I was to hide my pregnancy. The day we went home we had to go eat with her boyfriend; I was to act normal. How many women do you know can act normal after the loss of a child? I did it though; and for years never talked about it; I just told my husband about it a year ago. No, he did not know when we got married. I was scared to tell him, the subject is so taboo in my family. If any young girl came to me, I would tell them educate yourself before making this decision. I would love to have pictures; but I was told this way was better; you will get over it; have any of these people ever loss a child? I have brought it up to my mother, and younger sister recently; my mother's response" Be happy you gave someone a miracle." My sister"You wouldn't have Scott, or Brittany(10 year old daughter) I love my husband, and my daughter but it should not have cost me a child. Are they saying I had to pay to get them?