I had dinner with my parents; the last two nights.Why do I torture myself? Because; before going; I dread it. I do it for; Brittany.Is it healthy for Brittany I wonder; when I listen to my parents(mom & stepfather); pass judgement on people. Yes; these are people who go to church. And; then judge other people. I have a problem with that; aren't you taught at church not to judge others? I don't know: I do not attend church. Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I pray? Every day!
Here is one of the conversations that took place: A mutual friend; ran in to my sister's ex-boyfriend; and he tints windows for a living. That to me; is an honest job; good for him. Yes; my sister has been married for 7 years; so why are my parents worried about what an ex-boyfriend does for a living? The statement made; I think by mother; he's 37; and tinting windows. IMO; why do you care? And; I don't see what is wrong with that; it is a honest job. I told my parents this; and of course they looked at me like I am CRAZY! I told my mother; if you do not like him; you need to thank God; he is not married to your daughter. Did I like him? You know; we really never got to know each other. So it wouldn't be fair for me to answer that.
Last night; was the worst though; UGH! A young boy; about my son's age; I would guess; walked by; with a different hair style. My stepfather; made a comment; I saw his eyes following him. Now; how do we know that is not my son? It hurt my feelings; as I thought if my son has a different hair style; he will be judged by this family; my family; his family!Teenagers; experiment with hair styles; it is normal. Brittany; at 10; wants streaks; I told her the spray is fine; nothing permanent; she is to young; for the chemical in her hair. Ladies; we all know about those chemicals; huh? Yes; I color my hair; most of you know that.
Then; the conversation moved to another subject; that would lead me again to being slapped in the face; by my stepfather; I did not say any thing I regretted; thanks to my dear friend; M; calling just at the right moment! I asked my stepfather; if he had seen a sibling of Brittany's friend lately; and he said no. I told him; what a beautiful young lady she was; as the last time; I saw her she was still a little girl; and then I saw her this week; didn't even know it was her. My stepfather said "I didn't know she was ADOPTED." Can you imagine what the comment did to me? I do not like adoption jokes; and they are very HURTFUL. I would of expected more; from my own family.
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7 comments:
I'm sorry, I also had dinner with family tonight. Mine didn't go so well either.
((hugs))
you're in my thoughts
I'm sorry that happened.
I know it's not the same in that it wasn't my family being completely inappropriate, but I was on vacation with my husband and (oldest) son, and was taking a lovely bus tour of one of our great national parks. Two elderly women behind me were discussing one of their grandchildren, and she made the comment "I told her, 'you must be adopted.'" I had to make the conscious decision NOT to turn around and tell them how ridiculous that statement was.
I can't imagine what it was like for you dealing with it directly from your family.
some people are just insensitive.
Yes, some people simply don't care about your feelings. Today's society seems like everyone for him/herself. Why?? Even with our own parents, why can't we receive the compassion we need?? We desire??
Kelly, I'm sorry they are like that to you. Although you've always appeared to keep your step-father high in your thoughts when you talk of/about him, I would not have matched such a personality. Maybe that is why he has stayed with your mom for so long? Or she has simply rubbed off on him (not to hurt your feelings or talk bad about your mom)?? You know I've always said what's on my mind.... Even if I think about it 2 days later... lol
Also, I am so glad/happy/jubilant that you are finally saying what’s on your mind!!! We must give each other confidence, even though we have different obstacles to maneuver through!! I love you girl!!!
I was forced to go to church when I was younger. And yes the teach not to judge... I think it's "if you are without sin cast the first stone". But I have always noticed that church people seem to throw a lot of heavy stones.
Yes, most religions teach not to judge. Yes, most religious people do it anyway.
In fact, many people I know who go to church, seem to feel superior BECAUSE of it. It makes them "good, churchgoin' folk" in their minds.
But it sounds like your family is going beyond judgment, and are actively criticising and demeaning others.
Are you sure we aren't related somehow. I swear our families are identical. I know its a major pain and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. Last christmas I just resorted to childish tactics. I seriously stuck my fingers in my ears and screamed lalalalalala as loud as I could. They weren't happy but they shut up.
Thanks for writing this.
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